Still crazy, after all these years.

March 2004 FLASHBACK! 


Sometimes I wonder about my mental health. I tend to flip out and get a little over excited about kicking bitches asses at times. Let some skank-o tramp look at my man the wrong way, much less openly get all goggle eyed over him. I WILL cause a major fucking scene, regardless of the location or the implications.

We drop into one of my most favorite places in the world, Starbucks, for a late night coffee fix. Next thing you know, the broke ass 30 some odd year old caffeine bitch starts getting all smilely behind the counter at MY husband. About three giggles and an eyelash bat later, I was about ready to publicly humiliate this bitch in her place of business. 

I mean, hello? Is the pimple on my face throwing off my whole omni presence? Do I appear to be the tag a long friend out with a few guys? Did the bitch not look to see if this Brad Pitt look a like was wearing a big fat gold wedding ring? I mean, I guess I can't blame her for trying, but she at least could have opened her middle aging eyes and looked for evidence of marriage. 

I was about three steps back from the counter watching it all play out, just so I had enough evidence to con- FLIP. (instead of convict, get it? Aren't I so clever?) When Phil turned around and started to walk toward me with a clear look of concern for my well documented psychosis, I didn't take my eyes away from her. She looked up just in time for me to fix my eyes on hers like a heat seeking missile. 

I very loudly said to Phil, while burning into her like an evil inferno, "Is she FUCKING with me?!" Phil starts to raise his hand in an uncomfortable wave, I can see out of the corner of my eye that he knows the volcano is about to erupt. The bitch looked away but I repeated for her and all of her co workers and customers benefit, "No, seriously Phil, is she FUCKING with me? Cause I will go behind that counter and tear her ass up!" 


Everyone in that coffee shop knew that I was heated, and I continued to mouth off very fearlessly. 

Eventually, she came over and APOLOGIZED for "...messing with you guys" and said that she "just felt like being obnoxious". She never looked at me again, but apologized to the guys! I didn't take my eyes off her while she worked for the last two minutes that I was in that place. I mean if looks could kill that bitch would have been incinerated. 

See why I'm worried about myself? I'm a wee bit psycho. I would not have hesitated to throw my $3.02 tall iced vanilla latte in that bitches face and then demand my money back. I'm off the hinges. I was SOOOOOOOO pissed off at her blatant disrespect! My husband and our best friend Dan were slightly amused and not surprised in the least. After all, it's not the first time I've acted this way, and it most certainly won't be the last. 

Do I need help?
Anger management classes?

12 things I've gained from having a child.....

1. Perspective. 
2. Patience. 
3. 10 Extra pounds (which took me 11 years to lose). 
4. A Pamela Anderson boob experience (that lasted for exactly 2 weeks). 
5. A coffee addiction.
6. The knowledge that everything in life has the potential to be funny, including listening to my husband freak out via telephone (while I was safely at work) when our little one discovered that poop makes a great finger paint.
7. Recurring nightmares which involve me drowning in unending piles of laundry.
8. The fantasy that I am Wonder Woman. Along with the recurring realization that I am, in fact, NOT Wonder Woman.
9. The ability to say “No.”
10. The ability to love someone else more than I could ever love myself.
11. Forehead wrinkles.
12. Laugh lines.

WARNING: This image is very disturbing!

I am posting it to illustrate just how far humanity has fallen. We live in a disposable world, a place where anything "undesirable" or seen as an impediment to "the beautiful life" is easily tossed away like so much garbage. A child, a living, breathing blessing, should NEVER be seen as trash, much less tossed into a can on the side of the street with the type of scorn usually reserved for a used condom.

I don't know the back story to this picture. It was sent to me by a fan that was very upset by the image. However, she asked me to share it with you in order to get this message conveyed, loud and clear: This is UNACCEPTABLE. We reject the selfish, me-centered mentality that would drive a parent to dump their infant like yesterday's refuse. We reject a society that looks the other way. We reject a justice system that refuses to dole out the appropriate punishment to fit such a heinous crime. We will unite and fight, scream, protest, boycott, or do whatever else it takes to STOP THIS MADNESS!

Late Afternoon Musings

How can one ever be certain that they've made the right decision until gazing back in retrospect? Is there any way to circumvent a potentially tragic butterfly effect? I only want what best invests the many blessings of my happenstance without trusting too much in the fickle fortunes of chance.

You're a crazy bitch but.....

My boss: Home ownership is cheaper than divorce.

Me: I'll kill him before it comes to that.

My boss: Maybe he doesn't feel the same way. He could up and say, "I've had it with this crazy woman."

Me: Nope. He loves it.

My boss: That you're crazy? I highly doubt that.

Me: Have you ever heard that song Crazy Bitch? Enough said.

My boss: *Laughter*